In my head, the first draft of this post was titled “Alyssa Renee and the Terrible, No-Good, Very Bad Month”, but 1. that’s somewhat of a mouthful and 2. I don’t want to throw myself too big of a pity party. Have you ever noticed things tend to happen in threes? Good or bad, that’s the pattern I’ve picked up on. So, if you’ve just experienced two bummers, buckle up because there’s a good chance there’s one more coming.

I don’t want to go into detail about what has happened to me recently, but they all hurt and they all came in pretty quick succession after one another with a lonely 26th birthday some where in the middle. This past week especially I’ve been feeling really hurt, depressed and completely disoriented. Yesterday I just needed to get out of the house and do something, so I grabbed my camera and LensBaby I borrowed from Michelle and went for a little hike.

It ended up being less of a hike and more of an exercise in getting lost, finding solitude and perspective. Coincidentally, the style of these photos mirrors my current state of mind pretty well right now. A few things are in focus, only the things that hurt. Everything else is so blurry. Nothing feels completely real but what does is so severe.

Off the beaten track, I found a stream in a rocky canyon that seemed to soothe me. I’ve always liked rivers and have been in a debate about which aqueous form is the best. They have the serenity and solitude of a lake but are constantly changing, with the energy and movement of an ocean. If I knew even the first thing about surviving in the wild ( if you consider a few miles away from the city of Boulder the wild like I do ), I would have made myself a little home there. When I was young, I read the book My Side of the Mountain and was obsessed with the idea of living in a tree in the mountains. I think a part of me still is!

I know I still have a lot of blessings to count, it’s just hard to think that way when life hurts. Everyone has their struggles and right now, writing about mine seems to help. If I could pull one main point from this post, it would be to just escape when things are going poorly. Get away for a minute and try to find a creative outlet. Let it out. I really feel like the creative exercise helped me. The future may seem like such a distant and unattainable place but it just takes one step at a time.